Cheating in the game of life

Often times I find myself unable to focus, unable to remember where I am. I cannot remember memory from dream, or situation in a book from my daily schedule. I find myself scared out of my mind because I distinctly remember that I was under his control because he took my money; the last time I fell in love (or thought I did) he was not who he said he was. I cannot remember if I have lived this, or if I have only read it.
I suppose this is a strange way to make my way around the world, but in cannot help but find myself somewhat happy with this situation. Reading is my way of experiencing situations and personas that would ordinarily be out of my reach.
I have to wonder that if I was not so absorbed in these fantastical worlds, would my own, real life become more interesting? Would I put more effort into it? Right now I feel like I can always fall back on my books, my own characters, and characters that other people have created...I don't know if that's wrong. Without them, would I even be able to survive reality? Would I be able to accept that life is not a fairy tale, and there is no one waiting for me? Can I accept that there does not have to be a happy ending and very well might end up a failure?
I feel like I may have cheated somehow at the game of life. I get to go away for awhile and I'm not sure if everyone can do that. The problem is that when I am forced to stay away from books and focus on something else (like schoolwork) my mind cannot accept it. I can only remember where I am in the book and how it will end...
Because I'm not sure if i care to know how my own life will end.