When a mare turns her back on the herd,
When she sits alone in a standing crowd;
There is no hope for them.
A wolf stands alone on the edge of his pack
does he miss them?
So alone, but unaffected...maybe.
There is no outward affliction,
No inward decision,
It is okay to not know.
Well, I was going to write about how it felt to be alone inside my head...blah blah blah. I don't feel like doing that anymore. I am not alone, not really. I have buddies; loyal dogs, an awesome pony, an annoying cat, a brother and a mom. I am not going to lie; there are those I miss that thinking of them makes me feel alone. Situations have made me lose those that I love.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to put my thoroughbred down so soon. I miss her. I used to call her "Miss Mel" because she was almost like the grandmother I never had, and I respected her like one. She was free spirit, a bay sparrow, that I had no right to pin under the earth.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to sell Shen; the horse that I had tried so hard with, that had been magical to work with.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to part with Jazz. Now, I believe that everyone who allows it meets an animal in their lifetime that they are truly alike. It is like they were meant to be and they have an understanding with that simply cannot be explained. That's my Jazzy. She is the horse that I have had the longest, that I had not had to fuss over, but I did anyway. I will keep fighting for her.
I am a full-time college student with three jobs and what little child support gets thrown my way. I hate to spend it, but when it comes to my horses, my dogs, and my cat, I will do just about anything. I am watching my dreams fly out the window because of love. It stings a little on the way out, but there is no way that I would ever regret having them over some dream that isn't worth anything when they're not there.
I am not playing a game. I might fuss over the decisions, but really there is no other choice. The books often say that people die for love, and although this might be a different love than they might have been thinking of, it is the same for me.
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