should i stay or should i go?

I suppose that it is a good thing to be torn between two things that you love. It means that you have options and that both of those options would be satisfactory. The problem is that if i choose would that mean that i would forever miss the other option? 

So many times I feel like God is pushing me out the door to get on with my life. "Go to Ireland, Janna, just go for it". But the problem is in order to leave i must become unattached to my life here and now. My pony, Geronmo (the spotted one) got hurt and might not be rideable and my horses were a main reason for me to stay... i just wish i could take everyone with me. I wanted to take Geronimo with me...which would be difficult but worth it if her were a sound horse. 

I am lost. I can see what i want in 10 years, the whole problem is that the whole picture is impossible. Depressing :\ but whatcha gonna do? I guess that's why I write...because in this way, it can become true...see?

I don't know...

Thought for the day: Make sure you consult your head AND your heart before doing anything!

Ranting about grammar :P

Just because you have read many books does not mean you know or understand how to write correctly or use grammar correctly. It is the nature of those books you have read that counts. If those books are off-color or purposely have bad grammar, you will become accustomed to that form of writing and come to write the same way. Do not base your grammatical understanding on these works! I have spent many years studying grammar and finding books that accurately represent perfect writing. No, fictional works do not all have to have perfect grammar if it proves some point or gives aide to the story line.
To learn description, similes, metaphors, etc. poetry is your best offense. Reading Tolkein is also a good idea. When you read most books, choose an author's later works for better literature. Again, this does not hold true for all, but most.
Better yet, do not try to edit another's or your own writing if you do not understand grammar and you cannot write.
Thank you for reading my rant and hopefully those who need to read this will.

It sits in the waiting room of your brain

So...when I write, I don't think. I know that may sound awful, but when i have a keyboard or a pen in front of me, it is painful for the page to remain blank. So, phrases of whatever sort come into my mind and flow onto the paper. In a perfect world, I would write all the time. Yes, there are critics everywhere; I just wish they could meet my characters the way that I have, then they would see. Instead, because I am not published and nowhere near published, no one will meet them. No one will know what I see the world coming to...what I see us coming to. I have a story to tell. NO, it is NOT a memoir; who says I have to live something to write it? IMAGINATION PEOPLE.
 My book is becoming my memory. Now that I have written these events - am still writing these events they are part of me. I often mistake what characters have gone through as my own memories, which is confusing. It kind of makes sense though; in many ways I have been through these events with my characters emotionally and have followed their thought processes. Although, what this might have done is to prevent me from physically going through anything. Many would argue that I stay in safety while the characters go and risk their necks.
So...my book. What I am writing is an experience that books have not yet given me; experiences that I would like to have. That is the cool part about writing something yourself. IT CAN BE ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT!! Do you know how freeing that is? You now have permission to do whatever  you want (in your head) no laws, rules, annoyed teachers, or otherwise frowning adults, to stop you. Go, and be free :)
That is what I want to do. I want to give my own readers an experience that I believe is worth having. I want them to meet my characters that might shed light on the reader's life. I want to create a completely different world that may not be relatable so that readers can get away from their lives for a little while.
Sigh. Someday....
Thought for the day: try to write a good short story/ writing piece. Write about an experience(s) that you want to have more than anything, and have fun with it!