Jazz is coming back! (If you don't know who that is, read my last post). I will be so relieved to when she is, but in spite of this I cannot help but remember what it was like when they were really mine. On paper they are. I can ride them and do whatever I want with them (love them to death) but when they are at another person's barn I must mean so little to them.
Every morning when I walk down the stairs I stop to stare out of the door to where they used to be. I have to make myself look away. For a second though, I am so sure that they are standing at the fence.
I am practical...at least I like to think about being practical. That is as far as it gets however. I will let you -the internet - know if we make it through. I can't help but wonder if I will be sorry later in life because I have spent every dime on my horses. Right now it is completely worth it.
I spent the better part of the morning cleaning off all of Jazzy's brushes and blankets. She is coming a full 3 months earlier than I expected...I am so happy that I am just waiting for the bomb to drop. But I suppose that will happen with the first board payment. But she is worth it.
I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and will have a happy new year that is full of good choices and thrilling moments.
Copyright
What I Would Do To Avoid A Mental Breakdown by Janna Herchenroder is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tough 1 Basic Nylon Driving Harness - Horse.com
Tough 1 Basic Nylon Driving Harness - Horse.com
THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!! PONY IS LEARNING TO DRIVE <3
THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!! PONY IS LEARNING TO DRIVE <3
Thursday, December 16, 2010
For love
When a single rock sits alone in a prairie,
When a mare turns her back on the herd,
When she sits alone in a standing crowd;
There is no hope for them.
A wolf stands alone on the edge of his pack
does he miss them?
So alone, but unaffected...maybe.
There is no outward affliction,
No inward decision,
It is okay to not know.
Well, I was going to write about how it felt to be alone inside my head...blah blah blah. I don't feel like doing that anymore. I am not alone, not really. I have buddies; loyal dogs, an awesome pony, an annoying cat, a brother and a mom. I am not going to lie; there are those I miss that thinking of them makes me feel alone. Situations have made me lose those that I love.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to put my thoroughbred down so soon. I miss her. I used to call her "Miss Mel" because she was almost like the grandmother I never had, and I respected her like one. She was free spirit, a bay sparrow, that I had no right to pin under the earth.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to sell Shen; the horse that I had tried so hard with, that had been magical to work with.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to part with Jazz. Now, I believe that everyone who allows it meets an animal in their lifetime that they are truly alike. It is like they were meant to be and they have an understanding with that simply cannot be explained. That's my Jazzy. She is the horse that I have had the longest, that I had not had to fuss over, but I did anyway. I will keep fighting for her.
I am a full-time college student with three jobs and what little child support gets thrown my way. I hate to spend it, but when it comes to my horses, my dogs, and my cat, I will do just about anything. I am watching my dreams fly out the window because of love. It stings a little on the way out, but there is no way that I would ever regret having them over some dream that isn't worth anything when they're not there.
I am not playing a game. I might fuss over the decisions, but really there is no other choice. The books often say that people die for love, and although this might be a different love than they might have been thinking of, it is the same for me.
Thought for the day: Are you truly happy with the way your life is going and with the choices you have made?
When a mare turns her back on the herd,
When she sits alone in a standing crowd;
There is no hope for them.
A wolf stands alone on the edge of his pack
does he miss them?
So alone, but unaffected...maybe.
There is no outward affliction,
No inward decision,
It is okay to not know.
Well, I was going to write about how it felt to be alone inside my head...blah blah blah. I don't feel like doing that anymore. I am not alone, not really. I have buddies; loyal dogs, an awesome pony, an annoying cat, a brother and a mom. I am not going to lie; there are those I miss that thinking of them makes me feel alone. Situations have made me lose those that I love.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to put my thoroughbred down so soon. I miss her. I used to call her "Miss Mel" because she was almost like the grandmother I never had, and I respected her like one. She was free spirit, a bay sparrow, that I had no right to pin under the earth.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to sell Shen; the horse that I had tried so hard with, that had been magical to work with.
If I only had the money, I would not have had to part with Jazz. Now, I believe that everyone who allows it meets an animal in their lifetime that they are truly alike. It is like they were meant to be and they have an understanding with that simply cannot be explained. That's my Jazzy. She is the horse that I have had the longest, that I had not had to fuss over, but I did anyway. I will keep fighting for her.
I am a full-time college student with three jobs and what little child support gets thrown my way. I hate to spend it, but when it comes to my horses, my dogs, and my cat, I will do just about anything. I am watching my dreams fly out the window because of love. It stings a little on the way out, but there is no way that I would ever regret having them over some dream that isn't worth anything when they're not there.
I am not playing a game. I might fuss over the decisions, but really there is no other choice. The books often say that people die for love, and although this might be a different love than they might have been thinking of, it is the same for me.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
counting down
I am counting down the days...6,5,4,3,2,1...until break. The days just don't go fast enough. I am counting down the days until my book is finished; although I think years is a more accurate unit. I am writing to you, my dearest blog, instead of doing this. I am having an ADD period in my life right now. Yes. That must be what it is.
I guess I'm in trouble...I am in trouble because I just don't want to focus. I just want everything to be the same as it was; there was very little change and I was at a point where I could handle it all. Now I cannot get into the swing of things before they switch again on me. It is exhausting. Maybe it is unrealistic to think that things are not going to change...but I guess that is where the media has me wrapped around their fingers.
When the world keeps turning,
Will I get dizzy?
Maybe if i spin with it,
I can avoid the headache.
So I turn,
and turn,
And fall to the ground
where my heads rolls off my shoulders
and across the floor.
Just shake it off.
Thought for the day: Lie on the floor and keep your head on your shoulders.
I guess I'm in trouble...I am in trouble because I just don't want to focus. I just want everything to be the same as it was; there was very little change and I was at a point where I could handle it all. Now I cannot get into the swing of things before they switch again on me. It is exhausting. Maybe it is unrealistic to think that things are not going to change...but I guess that is where the media has me wrapped around their fingers.
When the world keeps turning,
Will I get dizzy?
Maybe if i spin with it,
I can avoid the headache.
So I turn,
and turn,
And fall to the ground
where my heads rolls off my shoulders
and across the floor.
Just shake it off.
Thought for the day: Lie on the floor and keep your head on your shoulders.
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